yandao.com - Memoirs of a player wannabe

Wikipedia says that “In psychology, temperament is the innate aspect of an individual’s personality.” I agree.

and then it blabbers on to further state that “Temperament is defined as that part of the personality which is genetically based. Along with character, and those aspects acquired through learning, the two together are said to constitute personality.” – and that’s where I start to dispute facts

For one, it actually feels great to be able to wake up naturally, without any external sources which intervene in your sleep by incessantly ringing, or buzzing, or playing some silly tune. It’s 6.20am now, and the last time I ever woke up this early by myself was probably during the holidays last semester. During that period of time, my temperament really wasn’t as rash as it was now, hence, I’ll attribute this change to the amount of shut-eye you get, then.

No, really, the sleeping part doesn’t hold much weightage – it’s more of what one can do based on that temperament to mess things up. Notice the plural to the word “thing” being used, eh?

Last week itself, I have successfully messed up ties with quite a few organizations, including, but not limited to: IDA (the guys who are incharge of your Internet in Singapore), a production studio affiliated with MediaCorp , and one of our very own RP’s diploma chairs.

The “How” part to the question is even more interesting – I just called them over by phone, and threw words in the form of glass shards at them. You could very possibly hear the pling and plang of those shards being randomly mis-fired at those people.

..as for the “Why” part, it was simply because these 3 organizations decided to work together to pull me off a national competition with a real big prize. They gave all kinds of crappy reasons, such as “unfairness” due to the fact that I had familiarity in certain areas of expertise, but I do believe the true reason behind it was that they’re just biased against me.

It wouldn’t really look good for someone who deals with so much *REAL* stuff to totally smack some secondary school kids who can’t do IT stuff in the real world for nuts right on national TV, yes? Or maybe not.. Hmm. Still, having stepped on the toes of these 3 organizations does seem a little harsh, but what has to be done has to. *Sighs*

Still, it’s not entirely their fault for being so stringent on their decisions – minds can be changed, decisions can be reversed, but maybe its just that silly temperament of mine which kind of broke them a little – to the extent they were afraid. Not good =X

There, more evidence that the silly attitudes of me can screw things up again.

Anyways, I’m going back to juggling projects – got quite a few to work on again.

Guys/Gals:

REALLY SORRY for being missing from Yandao.com in a week or so after the competition thingy. Alot of things happened, people screwed me up, the school backstabbed me painfully, and I made quite alot of rash actions in my IG which had immense repercussions. Hence, I really do need time to sort those problems out.

As of now, the bulk of the problems should be mainly resolved, and I will resume regular (almost daily) posting really soon

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Hmm.

Can’t connect to Ad-Hoc Wireless Networks?
Can’t change much of the wireless network settings?
Can’t do your experiments because the school make things cockup?

*Yawn* And they thought it was uncrackable. Awww.

Anyways, here’s WirelessTweak for you all – now you can remove the restriction (Wireless Group Policy) that Republic Polytechnic’s network gurus forced upon your poor, docile, laptops.

How sweet of them, don’t you think so?

If the link above is too slow, or does not work, try this link on Fred’s server : DOWNLOAD MIRROR

Oh, have fun, and let me know through the Comments (click the XX Comments below to leave a message) whether this works for you!

- Kelvin out.

Yes, this is an Inter-Polytechnic Competition organized IN RP. Hence, RP MUST WIN!

Come show your support for RP, and the humble creator of Yandao.com – Kelvin, and then maybe he will have more ideas once he collects the prizes Oh, and more ideas are good, because that also means more CE talks, and more workshops about hacking, too. Aiyah, more everything can already.

For those who’re interested, the competition is some IT Networking competition with SUPER MUCH prize money. The sponsors must be CRAZY! (in a positive way, of course!)

Seriously, what if you opened your school e-mail account one day and saw this “advertisement” which tried to convince you to attend this talk.

Would you go?

People who *really* know me would know that I can be very irrational, impulsive, and unreasonably unreasonable at times – when I get pissed off by someone or something.

Actually, “at times” probably also means “at most times”. Oops.

Some other people with a higher order of thinking also stated that for one to change, one would first have to admit his/her mistakes, then, look back and reflect upon it, and lastly look what can be improved – and actively make the change. You cannot possibly expect an overnight change, right?

Okay, I guess this is the first step to making a change on that somehow messed up attitude – Admitting things.

You know, many people have talked to me about that irrational attitude – due to the very fact that when I do get pissed, well, I’ll make sure the possibly offending parties gets pissed too. Enter collateral damage – the term used to describe unintentional damage around the intended target, which occurs as a result of mass destruction.

Oh, at this point of time, I do think I owe Beatrice an apology for last weeks’ incident in class, whereby, before I wrote that “unreasonable front-stabbing Reflection Journal” of mine, I actually front-stabbed my whole team. Yes, it means screwing up your own team infront of the class, infront of the facilitator, and infront of everyone – to an extent that unmoving silence is heard.

Scary, I know – I promise not to do it again. =X

Anyways, I’m someone who goes very in-depth to the details: For people, I notice actions, expressions, gestures, blah blah blah. If you are wondering why I didn’t notice what YOU meant with that action/hint of yours, I probably did it on purpose. *Grins*

Hence, the details also tend to screw things up, like this:

Basically right, small things –> not-so-small things –> things –> BIG BIG THINGS.

That’s how screwups and misunderstandings occur from silly small small details – and yes, I’ve to admit that I made that error more than a few times with my extremely sweet girlfriend, Lafina. The thing is, usually when I get angry, I don’t show biasness =X.

[Insert quarrel of small, mundane matters in a relationship here. Yes yes, complete with shouts, ignores, and stuff. Come on, you can relate this part to some experience prior to reading this.]

Wow.

Did you catch did? Because I didn’t – either. Those were words said without much thought, and consideration, and well, could be hurtful to the other party/parties. And when you apply that hurtful template onto Kelvin – someone who can pretty much “smoke” his way through almost any questioning party, well, it actually becomes very, very offensive.

The party at the other end would probably think something like: “WTF! How come suddenly I’m accused and now its 101% my fault? What did I do?”

That, hor, is the efficiency of my carefully crafted phrases, should I decide to use them. Don’t try me, thanks – I’m trying to CHANGE here.

As expected, I subconsciously used it on Lafina, more than once – and though we had talks about this like MANY times. I kept repeating the same mistake over and over again. My excuse always was that I needed time to change. How true, when it’s already part of your natural self to use it against others.

Then, once, while I was having a really er, straightforward talk with her.. Well, look for yourself.:

Kelvin: You are damn cute lah, always trying to assure me (of things)
Lafina: Of coz! Coz i very scared when you get angry, dar!
Kelvin: And why’re you so scared, dar?
Lafina: Coz you will lose temper on me.. or you will ignore me
Lafina: So, I don want to get ignored – I want to feel loved – and not ignored.

Kelvin stares in wide-eyed realization for many seconds.

No, really. I can NEVER get that last sentence (of this excerpt) that she said out of my head. Every time I feel like flaring up over something, that phrase will come into my mind and haunt me like a guilty conscience – and well, that’s really what prompted the Change.

Sometimes, only the ones you really love and care for can make you do really drastic things – in a positive way.

Time for a change for you, perhaps? La la la la~

I NEVER believe in empty talk. Here are my two simple principles for “talking“.

Either you talk, and get it done, or you don’t talk. Similarly, either you talk sense in relation to the topic, or you don’t talk.
At this point, I do apologize if this seems rather blunt, but that’s the way it is in real.

Come on lah, we are not living in a utopian society where everything is perfect.

Anyways, since I’ve mentioned about Appearances, I’ll hold true to it. Here’s what I submitted in my Reflection Journal (RJ) today, pertaining to the “appearance” of a particular team member. Yes, many of you are going to diss me for this, maybe even label me as a backstabber, a false friend, blah blah blah – but my stand is firm.

Read on!:

Question:

What was most challenging about your task today and how did your team go about overcoming these challenges?

Response:
The most challenging thing about the task today wasn’t
really much on the problem itself, but rather the team
itself.

With the right amounts of misguidance by [name removed] today,
it was actually quite prominent (both in the script, and
the play) that the roles assigned were heavily biased -
the assignment was anything BUT fair for everyone.

Still, it is especially interesting that when during the
writing of the script, when asked who was going to do
which character, [name removed] repeatedly said, “Later then
we’ll decide”, and continued on with the script with the
combined ideas of everyone.

The roles were later only announced when the script was
complete and “finalized”, and when I tried asking for
changes to be made, she stated matter-of-factly that it
was already finalized and we should just stick with it.

Realizing the possible impact of this on the team
performance and organization today, I suggested that
perhaps the members who were lacking a proper role take
on narrators or other non-acting roles. This idea was
that immediately turned down by [name removed], with the reason
being that there was no need to introduce the characters
and that she wanted to keep things simple.

Somehow, the need to introduce herself arose when she
went on stage, though. Biasness? or merely acting
towards the situation?

I believe in today’s arrangement, there was a clear
contrast in performance from last week’s arrangement -
hence the unwillingness for complete participation from
all the team members involved, especially when the
person making the key decisions today was busy watching
videos throughout the first meeting and the start of the
second meeting.

There are more minor “challenges” faced today than this
text box can hold – and this isn’t the first time such
an incident has occurred in groupings with her.

To overcome these challenges, I sincerely do feel a need
to highlight these observations, together with a critic
about my own team, during the 3rd Meeting – because
frankly speaking – I’m left with no other options.

All doors have been closed already – pretty much for me
and [another victim]. Under such circumstances, I think that my
approach was the ONLY possible one left to salvage what
damage done, even if it in turned, brought down the
“togetherness” of the team as a whole.

True, in PBL, the process is more important than the
final result. But if a specific team member was to claim
the largest part of credit for a combined effort, and
give unequal distribution of credit to the rest – I do
find that it should be exposed to the rest of the people
in concern – by practicing self-critic and encouraging
transparency.

There *ARE* students whose works are claimed as others
but dare NOT speak up. I’m speaking on behalf of them, too.

Let’s bite the bullet (bullet come very fast right, so we must bite it: in other words, accept the facts), lah. Our society is a hypocritical one. People are nice to you for a motive, be it to steal your grades, to get your number, to ask you out for lunch – it’s all the same. What makes you think that they’re so “nice” when you’re not next to them?

IF SOMEONE SCREWS YOU, SCREW THEM BACK – OTHERWISE THEY’LL RETURN FOR MORE. DO IT FOR YOURSELF (and they’ve just enjoyed a free shag. heh!)

Come on, for those of you who still can’t bring yourself to speak up to the bugger whose been controlling you all these while – it’s time you did.

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Anyways, my skills in fixing laptops are getting.. well, truth be told, rusty. I really do need to brush up. Argh.Oh, and Lafina darling – thanks for all the support and understanding, in everything i do. Love ya.

Yes, I know I’ve not posted an update for awhile – almost a week already, but the truth is, I’m getting more and more caught up with real-life matters, some of which I would discuss later on, others, well, I can’t talk about them, not because I don’t want to. Yea? It’s what they call a liability, once you get to know about it.

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Still, when recurring similar incidents/experiences bug me multiple times in a week, I get quite a few constructive critical ideas and then most likely decide to pen them down here. This is one such week, with multiple rants about APPEARANCES. Yes, appearances generally – from all things to how people a suckers for that, to how “fake” things are in our society, and even to the extent of how I, myself, am one too – at times.A couple of days back, on a Friday – whereby people were supposed to either end work early, or head to town for shopping, or maybe a couple of drinks at the very nice chill-out pub just directly opposite Bugis Junction, I stepped out of the centrally air-conditioned school compound, hoping to perhaps experience some warmth from anything other then fluorescent light bulbs. Wow. Was I greeted with something around, say, ten times more overwhelming, and negative twenty times “warmth”.

Fertilizer stench.

Ehh? The last time I could remember coming into contact with that stench was when some landscaper from the Sembawang MP’s office decided that the street opposite my flat needed more trees, or grasses, or bushes, or maybe something flowery. I’m not complaining, though – because I’m sure its for the greater good of the people around me. (Damn, this sounds like a paragraph out of Soviet Communism from my secondary school textbook).

But, wait. What’s with the 4 pickup trucks, the two navy blue 14 pax lorries (or was it 13?), and loads of slightly more affordable foreign talent unloading more than just numerous plastic-potted plants, ready-to-go bushes, and other organic stench? Don’t get it wrong, I love plants, in fact, I do remember how “cruel” it was to cook that Red Bean seedling which I planted in cotton swabs while I was in my primary education. Ahhh, the days.

Oh, they’re rushing a landscape just in time for the Clean and Green Week 2006. And since the theme was to (quote, from the website I linked) “develop a caring culture for the environment in Singapore and is an occasion to remind us all to appreciate and care for our environment“, I suppose the massive display of unintelligible organic lifeforms, just-planted seedlings, multiple performance stages, some tree-planting grandstand, and loads more “displays” are justified.

Then I noticed the phrase: “Guest-of-Honour: Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong”

My first reaction, as with I would suppose some 3000 out of 5000 RP students, would be something like this, “Orh.” One of complete realisation and well, understanding. My girlfriend, Lafina, added, “Of course lah, PM coming.” I nodded, feeling that the feature of the launch of the Clean and Green Week 2006 would be more on the PM, rather than the around 300 lifeforms being setup (my estimation sucks, it’s probably more). Very clean, hor?

It is then when the first wave hit me.

Why are people suckers for appearances? Yes, yes, the PM is coming – he is to be respected, and held in high regard, but is there enough justification to treat a Guest-of-Honour (GOH) more highly then the highlight itself? I did a Google search for the definition of a GOH , but it seems there is no fixed definition, but it seems that GOH’s are usually meant to grace the event, to give credibility, to provide support, and the works.

But then, it’s totally contradicting when the methodology to display respect and high regard is overdone.

Allow me to quote this analogy: Let’s say, Bill Gates visits a small IT startup company who has made an impressive $100 million dollars within one month of its launch to have a chat with the CEO. Instead of gracing the success story of this particular company, the papers write something like, “Bill Gates comes to Singapore“.

Now, how would that small startup company feel? Would the company rather that the GOH not make his appearance than end up stealing all the limelight? Come on. There will be more photos taken by the media of Bill Gates than the company’s CEO. I think you’ll put your money on that too.

My point here would be that people are suckers for appearances. When someone big comes, they move mountains. Otherwise, they can’t be bothered to move a finger.

Then comes the second wave. Boom.

Us, students of Republic Polytechnic, engaged in a Problem-Based Learning (PBL) system, backstabbing, badmouthing, screwing up each other – when the facilitator is not around of course. Yea, we are encouraged to question others, to work smart. But to this extent?

I’m sure, in every environment, there is always the bugger whom everyone hates – because he/she does irritating things to mess up your studies, or career. Silly little things like: copying and passing off your ideas as their own, stealing your slides during YOUR presentation, complaining about you behind your back, et cetra. The list goes on and on.

But infront of the facilitator, or boss, or superior. Wow, are they angelic – they wouldn’t use the word “shit”, they wouldn’t defend your flaming remarks or critism, and they wouldn’t talk back at all. Since when did they become the helpless little rabbit? Personally, I find such people far from rabbits, much more like rabid. =X

Unfortunately, such people exists, hence, the “fake” community forms, and we all have to leave with it. Oh, and some of these “fake” communities are held exceptionally high in regards, probably due to the fact that the whole bureaucracy is very, very fake, too. I shall not name the community, but they often face everyone from the Republic with a smile (and those in it, KNOW it. HEH.)

Wooooo. False appearances to FACE everyone, including those you work with – just for the sake of showing “collectiveness”!

*Sighs* <— (Confession: yes, I remember telling guys who couldn’t find dates NEVER to use this expression or word, because it seriously shows how inapt you are in managing your emotions in accordance to the current situation – but personally, I sigh alot inside, too.)

Oh, and for those of you who’re new here, the fourth month of me with Lafina, is approaching – hence, we celebrated it beforehand during the weekends. Fortunately, I remembered my digital camera, hence the photos will be displayed here once she decrees which are the nicer ones out of the 43 taken.

And somehow along the way (after our “celebrations”), I stumbled across this discovery:

(click to see the larger picture) Question: Which appears to be the larger bank? OCBC or POSB/DBS?

and yet another discovery in an upcoming mall in the heartlands Singapore…

Once again, click the picture to view the whole “article”. For those with special sexual preferences, please, try not to feel offended – it’s no personal attack on you, yea?

Okay, back to the topic at hand.

I’ve come to realise, with much assistance from Lafina darling, that I, at times, am a very “fake”, or pretentious person too.

Somehow, people tend to overrate me, in more ways then one. Some of these ratings, as I would prefer to call it, is good, others, at times, makes me feel a little too big – and that’s the scary part.

People around me (who aren’t from my class, obviously) see me as someone popular, influential and, even at times, powerful. Some look upon me, the creator of Yandao.com as being levels away from them. Seriously, though some might wish for this kind of attention – I’ll have to say that this really sucks.

By generalizing people under a specific category away from you; you’ll end up underrating yourself, by asking really demeaning questions to yourself – such as: “Why is he/she so much better than me?”, “Am I useless?”, “How come he/she can learn so fast?”. Hell no. This is NOT what I intended to achieve in people’s self-impression after reading what I’ve done, or what I’m offering.

All I wish is to help out, and perhaps motivate others, quite abit. Because for those of you who know motivation, you will know that it’s impossible to motivate yourself all at once, but peers around you *ARE* needed for it to work out.

Then again, to self-motivate, one has to start off a little pretentious in appearance at first. But a little shouldn’t really harm much. Should it?

Along the way, people always ask me a few question pertaining to my financial status – from the way they look at me, they do think I’m loaded with cards and cash and who-knows-what. Ehhh. NO. I’m just the very average Singaporean, who lives in the HDB public housing, dines from the coffeeshop downstairs, and cooks his own instant noodles without assistance from hired domestic foreign talent.

True, you may have heard that I made big bucks in the past – but have you heard that I spent all of those just as quickly as it came – or even quicker?

That, however, is something for another post, on yet another day, for another appearance.

For now, I need to enter LALA-land, to accompany my LAfina in her dream, lest she get lonely.